No matter what you’re looking for, you will find it. Tony Robbins does a little test that I absolutely love. He actually sat with Theo Von on a podcast and did it for him. He said “Look around this room right now and notice everything you can see that’s brown. Now close your eyes. Tell me everything you just saw that was red.” Odds are, you would not be able to take note of all the red that was around you, simply because you were looking for the brown. He goes on to state that once your brain develops a belief, you will inevitably find what supports it. The example he used with Theo Von was posed as a question that he noticed beige-colored items and called it brown, just to feel successful; to which the answer was yes. Same with the red colored items, noticing burgundy instead.
We don’t often realize that our subconscious is going to support whatever narrative we have of ourselves and the world around us. If your self talk is often negative, your subconscious is going to find ways to support that notion. Self-talk is the little voice inside your head that keeps your ego afloat. It will tell you all you need to know about how you’re being perceived by others, how you’re perceiving yourself. Don’t be fooled, however, it’s not always correct. Both on the over-negative and over-positive spectrum.
If you struggle with constant negative self-talk, the key to helping quiet those voices is to strengthen that muscle in your brain, re-writing the narrative. A good start is replacing the common negative phrases you hear from yourself with positive ones. Even if it feels delusional, even if you don’t believe it at first, it will eventually come to fruition and over time, become your default way of viewing yourself, therefore, everyone and everything else in the world. It’s going to feel uncomfortable, it’s going to feel unnatural. The good news? That uncomfortable feeling means you’re growing.
Some of the most common things I hear from people in moments of frustration are “God I’m so stupid!” or “I’m such a dumba**”, even over the most minor mistake or misconception about a situation. Other common ones are “I’m so ugly” or “I hate the way I look”. You may not know it, but if you’re constantly saying these things about yourself, you are perpetuating that narrative and your brain will continue to find ways to fulfill that self-declared prophecy. It may sound miniscule, even a little silly! Start forcing yourself to replace those statements with reminders that this is the first time you’ve lived this life, in your body, at this age. You are going to make mistakes, you are going to fall, and you are going to go through periods where you’re unhappy with who you are or what you look like.
Spoiler: You’re going to be okay. It is never “too late” to make a positive change for yourself. There’s no “too far gone”, “I’m never going to get better”, or “This is just how I am”. I encourage you to start looking for the positive. Start looking for the optimistic ways in which things will get better. You are in control; even if it doesn’t feel like it. It takes practice!! It won’t happen overnight and please please don’t give up if you fall backwards. Be kind to yourself, give yourself a hug, and just focus on doing the next right thing.
If you made it to the end of this, please feel free to reach out and let me know your thoughts, or if you need a little word of encouragement. I’m here for you.
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