When a young toddler stubs its toe for the first time and cries as if their entire foot has just been detached from their body, it is because they have never experienced a pain that grand. They don’t have the physical capability of deciphering what levels of pain are. As kids get older, though, they fall, jump from high places, their bravery gets stronger and they seem to become invincible, almost as if they’re okay with some bumps and scrapes if they had fun in the process. As adults, we are not much different.
What a gift it is, that we have the ability to look back at problems we once thought were going to be the end of our world, just to find out later, that our worlds didn’t end. We grow, we learn; our thresholds for emotional pain become bigger. We then may decide that some self-inflicted pains are worth it, if the right amount of fun has been had in the process. Other pains are out of our control, and they’re powerful. We often can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel, or know at the moment that it’s expanding our knowledge of navigation and we revert back to our toddler selves, with the grown-up version of a stubbed toe.
Looking back at the problems I’ve faced that felt like the end of the world, I’ve realized that most of the pain could be soothed by a change of perspective. The fact of the matter is that everything will always work out how it’s supposed to. It may not be in alignment with what our egos desire, whether it’s losing a job, lifestyle change, friend, loved one, etc., but there will always be a silver lining. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is certainly not a fix to any issue. If there was a magic wand that could be waved around with magic words that make the hurting stop, I’m sure all of us would own one.
I write all of this to say, give yourself grace. If you’re currently experiencing pain of any kind and find yourself in a bit of a rut, remind yourself that you were once a tiny toddler, with the idea that a stubbed toe was the greatest hurt of all. Take your time allowing yourself to feel what you feel. Your feelings will always be valid, but know that there’s always another perspective. Look back and see how far you’ve come. Future you will look back at you now and say the exact same thing.
PS. When seeking advice, ask from people who you admire, perspectives from those who inspire you to be the best version of yourself, not your “yes men”.
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