The term “selfish” has a bad reputation. Granted, it is inherently negative in terms of the lack of consideration for others when it comes to personal profit. My question is: why is it considered selfish to live for yourself? I don’t think that living selfishly is a negative thing, as long as it is done correctly. To live selfishly does NOT mean to disregard everyone in your life or to disrespect your peers’ lives. It also doesn’t mean to expect everyone around you to aid in your desires. It DOES mean setting boundaries for yourself. And that, in and of itself, can be excruciatingly difficult. In starting your journey of living selfishly, you have to analyze what you do on a daily basis either for other people, to yourself, or out of habit, that are taking away from your peace. Do you constantly watch your neighbor’s dog while they’re out of town, even if it’s inconvenient for you? Are you waking up at 4am to take a friend to and from the airport countless times? Always texting first to check in on all 37 of your “closest friends”? We all know these things are an inconvenience to your peace, or interfering with your personal agenda, but oftentimes we comply or even end up offering a helping hand when we don’t want to, “to be nice”. If you’re a part of the blessed population of having the natural ability to set clear boundaries towards others, this may not apply to you. But for the rest of us, having to tell the people we love “I can’t” or a simple “no” can feel like climbing Mt. Everest. If you don’t really want to go out on a Friday night after a hard week and spend copious amounts of money on getting drinks with your friends until 2 in the morning, and you would rather stay home with your favorite big tee shirt on, a classic rom-com and take out, do it. Setting these kinds of boundaries for yourself is what will ultimately serve you for your highest good and keep you on track to living your best life. There are two types of people in this world: givers, and takers. If you’re reading this, in hopes to learn how to put yourself first, you’re more than likely a giver that attracts takers. One of the most difficult parts about living selfishly and truly aiming towards what best serves you, is the amount of people in your life that may get upset. When people are so used to having a certain level of access to you and things shift, their access naturally becomes more limited, leaving the takers of your energy confused as to why their tap has been shut off. It’s easy, as a giver, to give in to their hurt feelings and continue draining yourself for them. It takes strength to place that boundary and take ownership of needing to fill your own cup before giving it out to other people.
This journey is very telling of who in your life are true pals that are actually there to see you flourish and grow, versus the people that have only been sticking around because you had something to offer them; whether it's physical things, endless advice, or just being a person that they can trauma dump on whenever they feel like.
The same way you create boundaries towards other people, setting boundaries towards yourself are also just as important. There is unfortunately no formula for avoiding absolutely everything you don’t want to do in life; jury duty comes for everyone’s butt at the most unsuspecting times. There IS, however, ways to shred the fluff off of your life to make room for what is best for your own personal journey. If skin care and health have been at the top of your to-do list for ages, you just haven’t given it the chance to flourish, start now. What’s getting in the way? It’s okay to be honest here: is it laziness? Trust me, we have definitely all been there. It seems like the most daunting task to dedicate time to these types of things, but we end up feeling so much better after it’s done! Start small, no matter what it is, and create a little routine or ritual for yourself that you know you can stick to. Whether it’s a morning routine, or right before bed, the result of accomplishing these routines will make your mind so much happier and filled with less clutter. The sense of accomplishment we feel is a direct result of having the discipline to show up for yourself. Show up for yourself in every single way you possibly can. There are absolutely no limits to what you can accomplish if you start showing up for yourself and believing you can do it. Dream as big as you wish, figure out what the first step would be to make that dream come true, and start there. There. Are. No. Limits. However, I can already hear your excuses.. “I don’t know where to start!” “I don’t have the resources!” “I’m too sleepy!”. Whatever variation of those excuses you’re telling yourself, I truly do hate to burst your bubble, but there are, in fact, solutions. The main reason that living selfishly and showing up for yourself are effective, is if you actually want it. You have to want to set these boundaries for yourself, you have to want to glow up to your true potential. You have to want to see results.
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