We’ve all heard the term “Were you silent or were you silenced”. As humorous as the origin of the quote, it’s a very very real thing that too many people experience.
A very common travesty of justice that has been occurring for centuries is the fact that more often than not, women are not taken seriously until they throw a fit. The way that I was raised, my father never let me believe that I was incapable of ruling the world if I wanted to. He never diminished me, never silenced me, always celebrated and encouraged me. He encouraged me to fight for what I wanted, to stand up for what I believe in, gave me the strength to go after my goals and ambitions with not only resilience, but through grace and poise. This is the way I have led my life and have built something to be excessively proud of for myself; through grace and poise. I watched the way my father was respected. I documented how all he had to do was say a simple sentence, and he was listened to. He was the most calm, distinguished, elegant man that never needed to get loud or throw a fit to be heard. Modeling myself after him, if I was doing everything he did, why then was I having a different experience?
There are very very few circumstances in which I personally feel the need to throw a fit to be heard. Anger and aggression have never been my default coping emotion, and I pray it never will be. But there are certain instances that not only I, but millions of women around the globe, are simply not heard. It’s a devastating revelation to obtain: that it’s not good enough to be taken for your word. That a simple expression of setting boundaries and communicating effectively is not enough to be taken seriously and respected.
I am excessively blessed that I surround myself with respectful and respectable people in my inner world and I will never settle for anything less. Unfortunately, however, there comes a time (or in my case, several years), where using the same tactic of poise and grace to effectively communicate, simply never seems to be enough.
The irony of having to throw a fit to be taken seriously is that once you do and everyone finally hears you, it’s received with “You didn’t have to do all that” or “You could’ve just said something instead of throwing a fit!”. When odds are, you tried to “just say” something. A million times. You continually used proper etiquette, poise, and an overly excellent attitude. That wasn’t enough. You weren’t listened to. Boundaries you’ve set over and over again were continually crossed. Nothing changed; yet each time, you met the situation with an inappropriate amount of forgiveness, holding on to the faith that something will change, the positive potential that things will finally be okay. Then when you reach your breaking point? You didn’t need to do all that.
What I can tell you is this: If you ever see me throwing a fit, just know I’ve reached my absolute breaking point. And I’ll be damned if you don’t hear me.
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