There comes a time in every person's life where you become self aware enough to the concept of other people perceiving you. Not just knowing that they do, but really embodying what all that entails, and eventually letting it go.
When you truly think about what it means for people to perceive you, it can feel intimidating and overwhelming. As you move through different stages of life you naturally grow and change. From a personal perspective, you know the changes you've made from who you used to be to now, whether that be from a physical or mental change. You know how much progress you've made, but do others? The more people you meet and let into your world, the more variety of versions of yourself are being put out and being known. It can be daunting, but I think it's beautiful.
The version of me in college was considered shocking to some people that knew me in grade school, middle or highschool. The judgment and voices of concern, especially from adults or previous superiors were made so loud, even though 90% of those people never bothered to get to know the newer version of me. I knew in my heart that the college version of me was nothing to be concerned about, or a cause for concern. I was safe, I was relatively smart about the choices I was making, above all else: I was learning. Not necessarily learning in school, but learning about myself, the world and the mark I want to make in it. Learning about how to navigate new situations and new consequences. I still am, and will continue to learn those things. The chatter and gossip around "what I'm doing with my life" seemed to be all consuming for other people and those people wanted to make it my problem.
It's also shocking to hear about the excuses people will make for you, in order to justify their judgements and their perception of you. In my case while I was in college, it was "Well her dad is sick, so she's clearly just not handling it well". And then as of this past year the excuse made for me was "Well she just lost her dad, so she's trying to fill the void". Not to shatter the hypothesis, but I was handling my dad's sickness and death just fine! Was it an ideal situation? Obviously not. But it wasn't the justification to fuel my fire of experiencing life, or to "fill any void". My dad is an irreplaceable figure. The weight of his loss will never be replaced or soothed. My dad was the one person who never came to me in the slightest place of judgment. He was never concerned for me or my safety. He made it a safe space to talk about everything I was doing, all the fun, scary, sad, frustrating, angering parts. I could tell him about mistakes I made, holes I dug myself into, or the progress I've made in my career and personal life. We got to talk about everything under the sun, and he would always tell me "Don't listen to the noise. It's no one else's business. It's your life, no one else's." And then he would ask me "Are you happy?" That. is all that matters. I'm happy. I'm safe. The concerns and questions from people who love you are allowed. But there is never a need for judgment or gossip, or unwarranted advice in the name of concern.
A large part of other people's perception of you has a lot to do with social media presence. Especially for the people that don't see you every day, or keep up with you and your growth at all. I can't tell you how many people have asked others, not even myself, if I'm an alcoholic or use too many recreational drugs. I have even heard concerns that I was doing pornography. Those questions are laughable to myself and the folks I keep close to me. But the big statement is: So what if I am all those things? Why do you care? These people weren't involved in my life in the slightest. Just an outsider's opinion. The concerns and judgements were that I'm being "reckless and irresponsible" based on how my social media presence looked mixed with the gossip. When it first started happening, I was all consumed with correcting other people's perceptions of me. I was very adamant about making sure that they didn't think I was this version they've painted. Ironically the times that I've received the most praise and "I'm so proud of you"'s is when I've been at my lowest, although my social media displayed the opposite. Over time, the energy I put into that became entirely way too much for me, so I gave up.
What I've realized about how other people perceive you is that they've made these notions because it satisfies their own narrative. People are nosy. They want to know the latest gossip, the shocking news, the inside scoop. Everyone is guilty of it. "Have you seen how much weight she's gained?", "She's way too skinny, she's definitely on drugs", "She shows way too much skin", or even "Wow she looks so good, so glad she turned her life around!" when there was nothing that needed to be turned in the first place.
The people that have genuine love for who you are, will always remain by your side and grow with you despite the trials and tribulations life decides to throw. Genuine love is non-judgemental, unwavering, and unconditional. All life is, is a series of trial and error; especially in your 20's. I have fully embraced the trial and error concept of life, and I will figure it out as I go. The only thing any of us need to worry about is our own happiness. People will talk, make assumptions, gossip, be concerned, there is nothing anyone can do to stop that, and that's okay. Have your opinions. I don't mind the chatter, because to me it's all white noise. I'll remain unbothered while people can feel however they want about what I'm doing with my life. The people I love the most, who love me in return, are the ones that I'll always keep close to my heart. The people that have chosen to grow with me, fail with me, laugh with me; we're all just figuring it out together. And that, to me, is the most beautiful part of life.
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