A person’s word. Seen by some as a seemingly menial notion of character, yet arguably the most important. We’ve all heard the term “A person is only as good as their word”. A term just as popular as “Actions speak louder than words”. Two phrases: verbally contradictory, but mean the same thing in regards to trust.
Since I was a kid, I’ve spent years pondering the question: “Why are we here?” in reference to being alive in general. Quite some time ago, I landed on one universal answer. No matter what job you end up having, if you get married and have kids or not, if you achieve any particular calling in life, we were all put on this earth to make human connections. Connections of all kinds with other people are what keeps this world spinning. Without it, there would be no food to eat, no clothes to wear, no love to be shared. In the process of making these connections, it’s only possible through a certain level of trust. Trust in that person’s intentions towards you, a project you’re working on, a life you’re making, anything. Through building that trust, connections grow stronger, and therefore the love grows stronger.
Trusting someone’s word is a big deal! It took me a long time to understand the weight of someone’s word and its effect on the people they give it to. Giving your word creates dependability, it creates a safe space for others’ hearts. Both are essential in the effectiveness of building strong relationships. We learn this kind of weight in a big way when it comes to the people who raised us. If we have an absent or neglectful parent, that dependability factor becomes waived and sets the standard for what we, as the absorbent child, view as dependability and safety. As we move further along in life, that dependability becomes a craving, a necessity. Letting people into our lives is a scary thing and wondering whether or not they’re good for their word is only unveiled through time and investment.
I am personally one to give a thousand more chances than I should. I’ve gotten better over time, but it’s created a pain for me that doesn’t seem to be enough for me to have my guard up a little more. I’m also not innocent in breaking my word or trust with someone either. It’s a known fact that people make mistakes and I do believe there is always room for forgiveness. But what happens when there are a million opportunities for someone to prove that they’re good for their word and they don’t take it? Inevitably, trust gets broken and distance gets placed between connections. “Actions speak louder than words” is the phrase that allows a person to “Be as good as their word”. A person’s actions directly reflect the word they’ve given, whether that proves it to be good or not. The feeling of disappointment and broken trust is hard to come back from. All of a sudden that space isn’t safe anymore and it feels like they might as well be shouting “I don’t care about you” right to your face.
The same goes for people like me, who give too many chances to someone who has explicitly told them “I’m no good for you”. When they’ve proved by their actions that they’re not a good influence, or that they won’t treat you correctly, or if they flat out say that they don’t care about you or your feelings, they’re giving you a word that you might not believe. As a trusting soul, I’ve been in that position several times and in that case, take their word for it. Believe them if they’re telling you they aren’t good for your life. On the other hand, if someone keeps giving you their word to keep your faith in them and their actions don’t match, actions will speak louder than words. Every single time.
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