Let’s be honest: How many times have you heard “I’m just not looking for a serious relationship” or “I’m only trying to keep things casual”. We’ve all been there, begging for communication or up late waiting on the inevitable 2 am “WYD” text. If you’re like 90% of the hopeful daters out there, your thought process might be along the lines of “No he definitely likes me”, “He just needs more time”, or the ever faithful lie, “I’m okay with casual!”. Girls, gays, and theys, it is time for some tough love. Now, I’m not a fan of the phrase “If he wanted to, he would”, because there have been a million instances where I wanted to, and didn’t! You never can tell what a person is feeling, and you can only simply go off of what they give you. What I CAN tell you, is that people will show you exactly who they are, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Ask yourself, who are they showing you? And while you’re thinking about your answer, here’s the kicker: Don’t lie to yourself. “He’s just been busy with work!”, “He said his dog is really sick”, “He only rescheduled because his mom’s in town!” Is she? Or is he out at Buford’s with his old frat buddies guzzling down his 5th rumple shot, drunkenly hitting on the bartender attempting to hold onto “the good ole days”? Be so for real. He’s showing you that he either isn’t capable of prioritizing you, or that he isn’t interested. So much more often than not, we want to see the good in people. More than that, we don’t want to be wrong about our own judgment of a person. It is genuinely so embarrassing to really like someone and to be proven wrong about who they were to you. If you’re reading this and telling yourself “I don’t care if someone I like doesn’t like me back! That’s their prerogative!” Again, be so for real, my love. It is perfectly okay to admit that it STINGS. Sometimes that sting can be cured with a night out and finding your next prospect, other times it takes all the girls and a big bottle of wine. Nonetheless, you owe it to yourself to acknowledge the sting. Why did you put your energy into him if you don’t care? Whether someone is interested in you or not, has never been, and will never be a reflection of who you are as a person. There’s beauty in someone not returning your admiration for them. It simply means that you saw something in them that made your heart flutter. You cared, and that’s one of the most gorgeous things a person can do. A tale as old as time “he’s just not that into you”, reigns true. Let me let you in on a little secret: you will never. Ever. EVER. have to convince the right person to love you. Here’s what I mean by convince. Are you giving him girlfriend treatment before being a girlfriend? Are you making excuses for him as to why he’s not giving you the same energy back? Are you looking past his flaws and subconsciously lowering your bar so this man can fit the bill and be deserving
to date you? Those are all subtle, sneaky ways we try and convince someone to love us. Never justify someone else’s actions or words to fit your own narrative. It’s okay to admit you were wrong about this person! And PS, they didn’t get a copy of your script, so you can’t expect them to be off book. He doesn’t secretly love you if he’s mean to you. Point blank period. The whole “he’s pulling on your piggy tails'' bit is so far outdated it might as well be a landline rotary phone. In fact, that little theory has never been true! That’s what we were told in order to keep our hopes high and the boys out of trouble for yanking your hair. He’s showing you exactly who he is. He doesn’t get to ghost you for three weeks and come back saying “I’m sorry, I’ve just been really busy” and still get the same access to you as he did before. It’s high time we were painfully honest with ourselves and we don’t allow that musty behavior to slide anymore. If he’s posting other girls on his Instagram story having a great time with the dogs at Zilker Park, he’s showing you exactly who he is. If he’s giving you one-word responses when you’re breaking your back attempting to carry out conversation, he’s showing you exactly who he is. And on the flip slide, if he’s always answering your calls, and showing up when you need him to, he’s showing you exactly who he is. The cat-and-mouse games while albeit, exciting, leaves nothing to build a foundation on. The best thing to think about, if you find yourself in a position where you are convinced he secretly loves you, yet you still aren’t happy, what advice would you give your best friend? Why are you begging (whether inwardly or outwardly), shedding tears, playing the ever enticing games, and pretending you don’t care about someone who may or may not give you what you want? There will be no questions about whether or not someone is serious about being with you or not, 9.5 times out of 10, right off the bat. The hard part should never be to feel loved the way you love. You are the main character. It is your world, and everyone is just living in it. Let’s start believing that.
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