So far in life i’ve discovered a more firm understanding when it comes to expectations. Expectations for myself, others, situations, outcomes, anything. What i’ve learned is that there is a vast difference between having expectations & having standards around it. For myself personally & how I’m choosing to walk in this life, is relieving myself of set expectations, & focus on the standards I set to match my desired life instead.
The silliest unfortunate fact about life is that there is nothing & no one you’re in control over except for yourself. There have been countless circumstances in my life thus far, where I have begged for a different outcome & ironically 90% of those have been dependent of literally anyone else but myself. I’ve realized I can’t beg, love, or plead to a situation or person hard enough for that independent result to change. All I can expect is how I respond to whatever it is that’s coming my way.
I’ve talked to friends about the way I think about this before & I’ve received some responses to the tune of sadness. “That’s so devastating you don’t have room to have expectations for other people! You should be able to rely on the people in your life more!” To that my response has always been: I don’t see it as sad in the slightest. First & foremost, through trial & error, I don’t keep people close to me that I can’t rely on. As much as it might feel “devastating” that you shouldn’t expect things from the people who are closest to you, the way I see it, is that it’s quite unfair to those people. Instead of expectations, I have firm boundaries & standards. It’s my responsibility to voice those to the people I love & respect. However, I don’t expect people to treat me accordingly just because I voiced it. Neither do I expect that they would treat me poorly! I have quite literally no expectations. People will treat me exactly how they feel about me & I then get to decide if I’m going to A. be blind to it or B. be willing to accept it as apart of my life or not.
I haven’t always had this mindset. & it didn’t change because “i’ve been burned too many times”. While that observation has definitely been noted, I have simply grown to realize that I personally think it is unfair to expect people to feel how I want them to, or a situation to change, or an outcome to be different, outside of the work I do within myself. How other people respond or react to things is absolutely none of my business. What IS my business is asking myself: have I voiced my boundaries & standards? Have I allowed room for growth? & am I willing to take this person or situation as it comes instead of attempting to change it to fit my expectations? I have a very strong “come as you are” policy in place in my life. With that, I personally cannot morally expect anything different than how people & things present themselves to me. Why would I willingly smell a rose, expecting to smell lavender? That’s unfair to the sweetness of the rose.
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