To exist is to feel. One of the most beautiful parts of the human experience is the capability to feel a vast range of emotions and how things, situations, people, and circumstances can influence that.
I saw a tweet some time ago that stated something to the effect of “We are all made up of little pieces of the people we’ve felt for in some way, shape, or form, at some time in our lives”. I think about that quite often and how absolutely precious that is to me. I still toss my hair up in a messy bun the way my friend taught me in middle school. Certain silly snack concoctions I eat because my dad and I loved it. Little mannerisms, habits, even vocabulary or sing-songy tendencies that are influenced by people that I hold so dear to my heart.
It truly is such a magical thing to be blessed with so many amazing, positive, and core influences within the company that I keep. On the contrary, there have been points in my life that I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t have my normal energy, something didn’t feel right in my body. It wasn’t until I had removed myself from certain situations or people that I realized I was actually in a state of deep depression. And a large portion of why, had to do with the influence I allowed in my life.
Life is literally only trial and error. That is all it is. You try something, you love it, it works for you, fabulous! You realize you don’t like it, it’s not for you, move on! It truly is that simple, however it can sometimes take a little bit longer than desired to come to the realization that the trial isn’t for you. That. Is. Okay. Your life is yours and you will 100% always be right where you are supposed to be 24/7, 365 days out of the year. What you learn from the circumstances you’re in is where the growth comes in and being able to better navigate the trial and errors.
It all starts with your inner self. Your self talk, self criticism, self perception. How you think of your personal self inwardly, will inherently manifest itself outward in the people you attract, the scenes you’re in, the food you eat, anything. The power of setting boundaries with yourself is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding acts you can do. Valuing yourself to a point that you know your energy is precious and that not everyone deserves a bite of it. Getting back to basics on who you are and how to keep that held sacred in your heart. It’s true what they say: you are the company you keep. The people that you keep closest to your heart and give your energy to are a representation of who you are. Having the pride to say “I do this because of my friend, and I love that!” is such a sweet feeling.
Something that I noticed when I started removing the parts of my life that weren’t “me”, was that my skin cleared up, my natural excitement for life came back, anxieties diminished, fears stopped taking over, and my constant fight or flight energy massively decreased. I didn’t notice it at the time, simply because I was having fun! I was comfortable in those energies because I could predict the outcomes and it gave me a sense of what I declared “control over my life”. I enjoyed the day-to-day, but ended up waking up not being able to see “me”. I’m proud to say that today I feel like me. I have never felt more like “me” than I do now; since I was a little girl with limited influence, being protected from the evil in this great big world. And it was through those inevitable trial and errors that I have stronger (and still growing) tools to continue my life with those boundaries and carrying the pieces of everyone and everything I love in a perfectly made, and ever expanding mosaic.
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